More than ever I now know what a gift from the Lord that is. My father, who I really never got the privilege of meeting, died at the age of 34. While my son Noah looks healthy, he is dying from his heart disease. Our dear grandfather died last November, and our precious daughter almost did not make it through her ordeal three and a half years ago.
Life is precious and is certainly a gift from the Lord. Only He controls our final breath. I have thought about that more and more in the last year than ever before.
I admit I sometimes get overwhelmed with fear and have some hard days not being able to shake the fact that at any moment, my son could go into heart failure and not survive it. After all, we thought by now he would have his new heart and would be playing soccer by fall. He wants more than anything to play soccer. The days continue to go by and the worry intensifies. I hate my worry because I really do trust completely that God knows better than I. One particular morning after a bad dream, I needed to hold Noah in my arms. My sweet son comforted me by saying, “Mom you know that whatever happens to me, it will be ok.” I was thankful for those words of comfort. So grateful that the Lord has given him such peace as he walks this hard road.
Last year, when we first heard the news of Noah needing a new heart, I couldn’t breathe. It felt as though someone knocked the wind out of me. I remember a mentor asking me what I feared the most. Of course, “losing him” I said. He then asked would that really be the worst thing if you were confident he was in the arms of his Savior? No, I thought, but selfishly I wanted him in my arms for much longer. I understood what he was saying though and have carried it with me since. My mentor continued on by saying, “When we lose a loved one, we grieve the loss we feel of not having them with us. We should feel excitement and jealousy knowing they are in a place where there is no more pain and sorrow and only goodness beyond anything we could imagine or be able to give them ourselves.” Good and honest words to hear.
I am so thankful to have those that “speak truth” into our lives. Often people will say “I know it’s all gonna work out and Noah is gonna make it”. While I know people mean so well, and they genuinely believe that… is it truth? We don’t know that it will all work out, but we DO know that we can get through it if we have Jesus in our lives. This is the hope we have… the hope in Jesus. Nothing else can help us get through a situation like this. No one else can take away my worry, my pain, and my grief. God has been faithful to show His love and grace over and over and over again.
If you want to know Joy like no other… get to know Jesus. If you don’t know how, ask me as I’d love to tell you.